Hump in the hay


Dear diary

It’s been almost a year since I posted anything here. The fourth quarter of 2016 was a roller coaster, and by 2017 the people who were stressing me out were gone from my life. There’s a bitter sweet feeling. So what’s my latest issue? 

Sexual frustration

 

If anyone knows anything about this  comment below. It’s so difficult sometimes. I made a vow to myself to only get involved with men who I’m genuinely interested in and have feelings for. No one night stands, quick hook ups or anything like that.  That leaves me feeling empty inside and that feeling is not worth a quick hump in the hay. My mind has figured out the logics but my body hasn’t so here I am, raging hormones and all. I’ve got this really good friend who keeps offering his services but I value my friendships and wouldn’t do anything to jeopardize it. However, according to him conditions are optimal now for us to get it in. I’m not stupid enough to fall for that one though. Is it wrong to want something more than casual sex? I don’t think so. Women should never apologize for wanting more and setting standards. 

Omg yes I finally got some standards 😂

From the heart…or what’s left of it


       Have you ever thought about dating two people at once? Have you ever done it? Do you remember the thrill, the indecision, the excitement and the huge anvil looming over your head?  Well I do.

     The today I ended it with one of my partners. I didn’t expect it would be so difficult. The truth is that he’s the one who made me the happiest but in my mind it was easier to let him go citing one of his tiny mistakes. Boy was I wrong. I can’t remember the lady time I shed that many tears. But I couldn’t help but say to myself that I deserved it. How dare you string two men along all this time, knowing that eventually you would have to choose one. 

     Yes I knew this day would come but I didn’t expect to break my own heart in the process. I’m not sure when I started to fall for him. But slowly and surely he crept his way into my heart. As I’m writing this all I want to do is call him, tell him I’m sorry, that I didn’t mean any of it. But there’s a large part of me that knows that I’m no good for him. In my head he as always my sweetheart. There wasn’t a morning that I wouldn’t receive a text from him and whenever he called, it made my day. But even though we had so much chemistry and communication, it was a nightmare trying to see him. He works 6 days out of the week and on the third day he was busy running errands. Obviously I also work and have a busy life of my own. We’ve known each other since last year but I can only remember seeing him a handful of times. 

Whenever I was with him we were lost in our own world, only seeing each other. It all sounds fantastic doesn’t it? But imagine planning to see smell and having them cancel on you 90% of the time. It was always, “sorry I have to work late” or “sorry I lost track of time doing this or that”. As much as I loved him, there had to be a point where I said enough was enough. I don’t deal well with disappointment. As much as his communication was consistent, his ability to keep his word was the opposite. I was supposed to see him today. But yet again something came up.  He called and I already knew what he was going to say. He could sense that I was upset. I told him that we shouldn’t see each other anymore. I think he was expecting it as his response was, “Don’t say its over”. All it took were those few words to imitate the waterworks. I think at that moment I truly realized who and what I was giving up. Someone who has been a part of my life everyday for a long time. Someone who cares about me and isn’t afraid to show it. Someone who tried their best to make time for me. But like I said to him, we were fighting a losing battle.  Tonight we lost but after one door closes, another opens and I hope that my sweetheart one day finds  the one destined for him. 

       P.s. If you ever read this, it was real. 

As for the other guy I’m dating. Well you’ll just have to keep reading to find out about him.